


I Don't Sleep at All (Without You Pressed Up Against Me)

by GallifreyanAtHearts



Category: Bandom, My Chemical Romance
Genre: M/M, Phone Calls, Sad, long distance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-24
Updated: 2013-06-24
Packaged: 2017-12-16 01:21:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,529
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/856161
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GallifreyanAtHearts/pseuds/GallifreyanAtHearts
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Frank?”  Gerard’s voice crackles across the miles of phone line.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Don't Sleep at All (Without You Pressed Up Against Me)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [morbid_beauty](https://archiveofourown.org/users/morbid_beauty/gifts).



> This happened because Little Mikey wanted a Frerard based on If These Sheets Were States by All Time Low, which is where the title comes from.

“Frank?”  Gerard’s voice crackles across the miles of phone line.

“I’m here.”  Frank rolls onto his side, letting the phone rest on the side of his face not pressed into his pillow.  They fall silent again.  All Frank can hear is the muffled static of Gerard’s breathing.  He closes his eyes and tries to pretend that the sound is coming from next to him instead of from the phone.  It doesn’t work.

“Gerard?”

“Yeah?”

“I miss you.”  This is generally how Frank and Gerard’s phone conversations go.  They each tell the other about what he is missing in the other’s life and they talk about anything and everything and then they fall silent and listen for the comforting sounds of the other’s existence and only breaking the silence for the sake of knowing that the other is still on the other side.

“I miss you, too.”  More silence ensues.  Something in Gerard’s voice triggers something in Frank’s head.

“Remember when I came to visit you this past summer?  Right after you moved?”  The last word leaves Frank with a bitter taste in his mouth.  Gerard’s relocation to California to take an internship with an animation studio was not Frank’s favorite topic.  Sure it had been a huge opportunity, nobody wanted to hire a kid barely out of college and this had been Gerard’s chance to plant his foot on the bottom rung of the ladder and start climbing.  And Frank was happy for him.  Really.  It was just harder to feel in moments like these when Frank was stuck in community college, living with his parents in New Jersey and Gerard was across the country.

“How could I forget?”  It sounds like Gerard is smiling.  Frank glances at the photo on the nightstand, of them, of Gerard’s smile; he stares at it, hard, because he is having a hard time picturing the smile that Gerard is giving him right now and it hurts.

“Remember you picked me up at the airport?  But you couldn’t find me because I’m short?”  Gerard makes a noise to indicate to Frank that yes, he remembers.  “But I saw you and I snuck up on you and I hugged you from behind?”

“Where are you going with this?”

“I dunno.”  It’s true, Frank has totally forgotten where he was taking this particular train of thought, distracted by the memory of Gerard and his arms around Gerard and the smell of Gerard and the smell of Gerard’s hoodie that hadn’t been washed in about a year and the loudness of the airport and the euphoria of _Gerard_.

“I love you.”  Gerard says quietly.

“I love you, too.”  Gerard doesn’t respond, leaving silence to reign once more.  Frank reaches out to grab the other pillow, the one Gerard used to use when he stayed over, the one that still wears the same pillowcase it did during Gerard's last visit.  It doesn’t smell like him, not anymore, and Frank can’t quite conjure up what it did smell like when it smelled like him but there is a little black smudge on the fabric, a leftover from the eyeliner that Gerard had been wearing and Frank stares at that little black smudge because that little black smudge had, for a short time at least, been a part of Gerard, and it probably had his DNA in it or something.

“I wish you were here.”  Frank says, still staring hard at the smudge of eyeliner.

“Me too.  I wish there was some way to make the distance go away.”  For a moment, Frank imagines the middle portion of the United States falling away, caving in on itself and sinking, leaving the east coast to border the west.  The image is bizarre and Frank is tired but he can’t sleep.

“Yeah.”  Frank rolls back onto his back and the phone slides off of his face and he picks it back up and Gerard is saying something about not hanging up.

“What are you talking about?”  Frank asks.  “The phone fell.”

“Oh.”  Gerard pauses.  “I said I have to piss but I’ll be back and don’t hang up, okay?”  Frank murmurs his acknowledgment.  Frank hears the rustle of the phone being put down and then the true silence that means that Gerard has gone.  Frank pulls the phone from his ear and looks at the screen and the little ever changing number, 1:47:38, 39, 40, 41…

“Frank?”  Gerard sounds far away.  The number reads 1:49:04 when Frank brings the phone back up to his ear.

“I’m here.”

“Okay.”  Frank stares blankly at the ceiling, waiting for Gerard to say something, anything.  He doesn’t.  Frank doesn’t know why he suddenly needs to hear Gerard talk, about anything really, just some sort of reassurance that it’s _Gerard_ on the other end, not some machine placed there by the real Gerard so that he can go out and have fun without Frank.

“I’m tired.”  Frank tells Gerard eventually.

“Oh.”

“Yeah.”

“Um…goodnight.”  Gerard says.

“Yeah.  Goodnight.”  Frank returns the sentiment hesitantly.

“Is everything ok?”  Frank shakes his head and wants to tell Gerard that no, everything is not okay, Frank misses him and that he can’t sleep, he just tosses and turns and misses Gerard, misses his warmth, the sound of his breathing, the feel of his hair tickling Frank’s face.

“I just wish you were here.”  He says instead.

“Yeah.  I love you.”

“I love you, too.”  The line is quiet once more.  Frank focuses his eyes on one small place where there is a chip in the paint on the ceiling and he just stares at it until his eyes begin to water.  He blinks away the tears and reassures himself that they are just because of the staring.

“Well, goodnight.”  Gerard says eventually, his voice rising to turn the statement into a question.

“I don’t want to hang up.”  Frank answers the question that Gerard did not need to ask.

“I don’t, either.”  Gerard sounds relieved.

“Stay on the line while I fall asleep?”  Frank asks, and it’s silly, he knows, but it makes him feel just a bit better.

“Yeah.”

“Goodnight.”  Frank repeats and he knows that eventually he’s going to have to fake the even breathing of sleep so that Gerard can go.  He pulls the phone from his ear and places it face up on the pillow and rolls over to face it.  The display reads 1:54:21.  He hits the speaker key and he closes his eyes and listens to the breathing over the phone.  The sound is muffled by hundreds of miles of static and worn out phone lines.  He knows that it is Gerard making the noise, but it doesn’t feel real, but Frank can’t have the real thing, so he settles for these conversations and sleepless night.  He opens his eyes.  The number is 1:59:06.

“Gerard?”

“Yeah Frank?”

“Tell me what you would be doing if you were here?”  There is nothing erotic about the request, it is not Frank asking for phone sex; that came earlier, before the conversation tapered into the emotional realm it was in now.  No, this was a raw plea on Frank’s part, and he prayed that Gerard would understand his desperate need to feel Gerard’s emotional presence.

“I would be holding you while you fell asleep.  Front to front, so I could watch all the tension drain from your face as you lose consciousness.  I’d brush your hair off of your face and kiss your forehead and rest my head against yours and I’d feel peaceful, just holding you, feeling you in my arms.  I’d doze off, too, until you start fidgeting in your sleep, like you always do.  I’d open one eye to look at you, a little annoyed at the disturbance, but I’d smile and close my eye and tighten my grip on you, and feel you nestling against me in your sleep.”  Frank can’t swallow through the lump in his throat.  His eyes are watering again, not from staring this time.

“I really miss you, Gerard.”

“I miss you, too, Frank.”  Frank blinks back tears.

“I can’t sleep.”  He confesses in a whisper.  Gerard is silent.  “Gerard?”

“I can’t hear you, you need to be louder.”  Gerard says and Frank closes his eyes, knowing that he is not going to have the courage to repeat himself.  “It’s the weather here, there’s an enormous storm moving in and it’s fucking with the phone lines.”

“It was nothing.”  Frank tells Gerard, and he can hear the doubt in the ensuing quiet.

“If you’re sure then.”  Gerard says eventually.

“Yeah.  Listen, it’s really getting late here.”

“Yeah, I guess.”  Gerard pauses, as if he wants to ask Frank something, but just adds “I love you.  Goodnight.”

“Love you, too.  ‘Night.”  Frank mumbles.  He closes his eyes and presses the end button quickly, like he would rip off a Band-Aid, the faster it’s done, the less painful.  The final number blinking on the display reads 2:07:59, and then it blinks off, fading with the end of the conversation.  Frank puts it down on the nightstand and rolls over to not-sleep.


End file.
